I grew up in a religious household. I was taught to pray and rely on a being outside of myself. It was comforting to believe that I didn’t have anything to worry about because someone else is taking care of things. As I grew up, I was exposed to different perspectives which made me question my judgment. For years, I believed participating in the cycle of ‘pray and wait’ would help me out. It does provide temporary relief, but I am understanding it takes way more than that. Here are some things I believe I got wrong:
- I have a predestined purpose.
These past few weeks I realized that for me life is about creating a purpose that works for me. It’s something that sounds trite but it’s underratedly profound. For years, I believed that I had the sole purpose of going to the kingdom of God. But now I say to that, we’re all so different and complex that it sounds too simplistic to say we all qualify to go to the same place. In addition, why couldn’t the kingdom be here now? Also, why would one wait for a kingdom when waiting means stagnation and ultimately entropy if there is not a force actively working against it? Everything in life requires evolution; everything is a process. It makes sense why people say life is about the journey and not the destination. My purpose is something I continue to build on each day.
2. Failure is final.
Imagine if life stopped in its early stages. I would not be here today. Growth is a constant process and failure is guaranteed because I’m not there yet. Animals do not criticize themselves for not being able to walk yet; they just keep going because they know it’s not time yet. And when they do learn how to walk, they know they need to eat, sleep, etc. to keep going in life. Failure is dependent on context. It’s something that happens in the micro.
3. Success is final.
Success is just a highlighted piece of practice. You still have to work harder in order to maintain or do better. Continuing to push is what success is. But, you can’t push blindly. Everyday must be reevaluated, a plan must be made and then you must execute.
4. Going with the flow.
Letting things be is the worst advice I’ve ever received. Letting things be as they are means I have surrendered my control over my life to everything else. Things will not remain the same as I have left them; they will simply be altered by other forces outside of my control. The real definition of going with the flow is after you’ve taken action constantly and are not seeing the results you desire, you keep going and know that something will give somehow. It’s smart and right to depend on yourself to take action for something to change.
5. I have time to waste.
I might be nineteen years old. But, I’m also black and female. Living in the suburbs has gave the illusion of prosperity for me. I know now that I’m not when I consider what I actually own. Life gives and takes with indifference. I don’t know when my time is up.
6. My parents are disappointed in me.
Actually, yes, my parents are disappointed in me sometimes. However, they aren’t disappointed in me as a person, instead, they are disappointed in my inability to make small decisions with the bigger picture in mind. They want a legacy to be built. They know that life is more than TV shows and social media. They know that things won’t just be handed to me because it wasn’t for them. They want me to be independent in all facets.
It’s easy to relate these lessons on paper. They aren’t new. It resonates so strongly when you are in the thick of it. You don’t really understand until you feel paralyzed with responsibility.
What rose-colored glasses are you wearing?